It’s always darkest at 5 a.m.

Baby D was such a good sleeper until we stopped nursing last weekend. I’m hoping this has something to do with teeth or a cold he caught at ECFE but every now and then guilt wins. I am a bad mother. I quit too early. The rest of the world nurses their babies until they are two.

We made it nine months which is longer than I thought we would. I would have been thrilled if we’d made it six months. (Maybe I have said all this already.) He still doesn’t have teeth which may have played a significant role. The rational part of me suggests I should be proud of what I have achieved instead of upset at what I have not. Welcome to the story of my life. (Malmberg Cousin Underachievers unite!!)

So, anywho, now D and I get up at twice at night and for good at 5 a.m. This is not enough sleep for me. I need 8++ hours. I am deeply tired. (If you remember the show “Square Pegs,” I am totally tired. Totally.) This does not bode well for my ability to function. In my mind, everything I do is not nearly good enough. My house is a mess. I weigh too much. I spend too much. My roots are hideous. I am lonely. I talk to myself a lot. Today a lady at Target tried to engage me in conversation at the clearance rack and I nearly told her she had interrupted my in-depth conversation with Baby D over what size he thought he’d be in six months.

I try to remind myself to be grateful I am not a prairie pioneer girl getting my sod hut ready for winter. Sometimes this works.

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One thought on “It’s always darkest at 5 a.m.

  1. You are a phenomenal mother. I marvel at your ability to not only survive, but reign victorious in a world of dirty diapers, 5:00 a.m. awakenings and everything else I know you hold in your heart. I sincerely appluad you, because I know I will never be in that place where I can do what you do. I love you, my dear sister. For who you are, for who you want to be, and for the friend you have been to me.Sleep well – and fast.Hugs,Sylvie

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