Before Colin’s last race on Monday I found myself in a panic, “That’s too far! He can’t run that far! How can he run that far?”
I was in such an awkward position. I didn’t want him to the the autistic kid on the track team. Above all else I want Colin to be one of the guys, but there in that moment I wanted to shout, “Shouldn’t someone let the autistic kid have a head start????”
No. Not if he’s going to be just one of the guys on the track team.
And he didn’t need it. Sure he came in last, but he kept up. And we found out later that for whatever reason he was running with older kids.
Sometimes “normal” kids come in last.
At dinner the subject of marriage came up. I asked Colin if he thought he would get married.
“Yeah, I don’t think I want to be single.”
Panic set in my heart. Will there ever be a girl with the patience for the kind of isolation Colin requires to recharge his batteries every day? Will Colin learn to communicate effectively with her? How is this ever going to happen??
But wait. How many mothers of 13-year-old boys wonder if they are ever going to leave the nest. I would guess a lot.
What a gut-wrenching heart-ripping thing motherhood can be.
Curses to you, autism, for making it even more complicated.
Thank you, autism, for making my child the lovely interesting kid that he is.